Beginnings

Today is the first day of school for my kids.

Beginnings.

I originally thought of titling this post New Beginnings, but I got philosophical with myself and determined that all beginnings are new, because every beginning is a new opportunity for new experiences, even if the beginning itself may be the same as last year (school, for instance).  But a beginning of any kind is exciting - one has no idea what the end of the day will be like, even for the best planners among us, because life happens every second.  A traffic jam causes one to take an alternate route to work/school.  An offhand comment from someone causes one to think about something they weren't planning on originally...a flash sale convinces someone to finally make that purchase they were putting off for a while.

All of these things are beginnings, new little opportunities for new experiences, new thoughts, new chances.

The kids were welcomed to their new classrooms today - one had new teachers and classmates, one had a new classroom.  One was anxious, one was timid.  I'm confident that when I come home, I'll be bowled over by hearing all the stories of things they did today.  Both were fearful of today's beginnings, but I was excited for them.

It's a part of growing up, and fortunately for all of us, beginnings never stop, so we always have new chances.  It's comforting to know that there's always a new opportunity around the corner.  It's our choice how we approach these new opportunities and these beginnings, but thankfully they never give up on us.  My job is to role-model to my kids how to grab hold of these new beginnings and make them our own so that they too are excited.

But for today - I'll look back on their baby photos and just think about how much they've grown, how they've become these incredible little people and remember that, at the end of the day, what I hope will never change is how tight they hug me...

Busy this week

I'll be lucky if I post anything this week (besides this) because this is a busy week for me, both at work and personally.  My nephew will be called to the Torah for the first time this coming Shabbat and we're hosting the Shabbat lunch at our house, and the next day is my synagogue's annual gala with which we're fairly involved, so I'll be stretched thin.

Nonetheless, I'll most appreciate it if you can leave me any detox-ifying recipes in the comments in my previous post.  We really need to enter spring with a "clean" slate!!

Thanks in advance!!

Light will always outshine the darkness

This weekend, we saw the awful destruction that both man and nature can create.

In Japan - the earthquake, the tsunami(s?), the possible nuclear meltdown, the chaos - the sheer uncertainty of life.

In Israel - a family shattered forever, on Shabbat during their sleep - what is supposed to be the most secure time in one's week.

One destruction by the hand of nature, one destruction by the hand of man.

I keep thinking - there is no way the news can get worse.  I've been thinking this for a few years now, as the news headlines have become more outrageous.  Economic collapse, horrible crimes, political revolutions, natural disasters - every time I read a headline, I think:  this is it.  Mashaich just has to come because I can't imagine how much more insane the headlines have to get.

And yet, the next day, the sun shines.  It always shines.  It always rises and shines and makes the sky look pretty and the flowers open and the birds chirp.  Always.

That teaches us a lesson.  It teaches us that to dispel darkness, we must give light.  This is what Chabad teaches.  When times seem to be the most dark - when things look the most bleak to you, that is when you must give light to the world.  Goodness.  Hope.  Faith.  Acts of kindness and charity.  It's what got the 33 Chilean miners through.  It's what Little Orphan Annie sings about.  It's what gets us through our darkest moments - that hope for a better future, that things will turn around, and we will see the light. 

So do what you can, please, to bring forth more light into this world.  Light candles on Friday night, or give charity in honor of Purim, or share an unsolicited kind word about someone.  Do what you can to increase the light.

A modern take on an ancient way of saying "no"

This post, while originally developed a while ago, is inspired by this post.

Everyone is well aware that our world is a 24/7 world.  Not that it wasn't before, but technology has allowed us to be in perpetual motion, with live-streaming everything, on-demand everything, instant access to everything, even to the point of impacting geopolitics.  The 9-5 job - a total relic of a by-gone era - is no longer a funny thing of our past, but now it's practically the norm to work on vacations (if you're lucky enough to take any) and check work email on weekends.

Moms have pressures of looking great, being green, signing kids up for the latest classes, volunteering here, there, and everywhere, and menu-planning has even taken on a life of its own.

How can you make it stop?

So our Torah - with its timeless wisdom revealed in each letter - offers a solution, a time-tested technique used by G-d Himself.  Even G-d had to stop and say no.  It's called Shabbat (our 7th day).  Heard of it?

Shabbat is our chance to say no, to stop that cycle of perpetual motion.  So much has been written about the beauty of Shabbat, how Shabbat has kept the Jews more than the Jews have kept it - all of that is great.  And now, when there is so much discussion about the art of saying no and how do you limit your activities to only your priorities and how do you SCHEDULE IN quality time with your familiy...Shabbat offers us a way to say no.  So simple. 

It's not our decision that we can't this or that on Shabbat, I can't, it's Shabbat.  I can't do anything about that.

I can't check email on Shabbat.  I can't go to that party on Shabbat.  I can't volunteer for that on Shabbat.  I can't go to the store on Shabbat.  Even better - you don't have an excuse - the decision was made for you - it is just your reality.  You get to say no, and you say it with confidence, because no one can say anything to convince you otherwise.

So then the result is that you have one day a week where you don't check your email and you can't come in to the office to finish the project and you can't volunteer and you just say no - and you stop.  And breathe.

And that is your anchor.  Knowing that you have a whole 25-hour period where - since you don't have the "noise" of the external obligations - you can focus on what you TRULY prioritize, that is a blessing, you get re-energized and refreshed so that when Shabbat is over, you can spend the next 6 days doing what you need to do, and knowing that every week, no matter what, we set the table for Shabbat.*

*This line is a quote fron a children's Shabbat book my kids have, the title escapes me now.

What are you grateful for this week?

Anyone who joins us at our Shabbat table is expected to answer that question, weekly.

Such a simple question: What are you grateful for this week?

But it makes you stop.  And think.  And through the process of articulating that for which you are grateful, it makes that gratitude real and more alive than just thinking about it and letting it just happen.

It all started like this:  When I lived in St. Louis, I was virtually adopted by the most amazing community I had experienced, and there was a particular family who often hosted me for Shabbat lunch and dinner.  Shabbat dinner at their house was a huge affair, typically with over 20 people.  And in between the soup and main courses, we would go around the table and state what we are grateful for each week.  And after each person spoke, we'd make a l'chaim.

With so many people around the table, this could take up to 30 minutes, if not more.

But no one was rushed, no one minced words, and occasionally there were tears (of gratitude) and laughter.  Now granted, not everyone was grateful for something as profound as world peace or things like that...usually people were grateful for their jobs, a roof over their head, money to pay the bills that week, a medical procedure that went well, a test in school that was aced, a successful work project, or just hitting all green lights on the way to work that day.

That was the whole beauty of it - there are so many things to be grateful for each day - do we take the time to think about all of those little bits that add up to a pretty good day?

Many people save their declarations of gratitude for Thanksgiving.  But I was so moved by this family custom that I adopted it as my own*, and now this is just what we do.  Shabbat is the perfect time to stop - think - and say thanks.

For all of the little miracles, and big ones, and everything in between.

*This family is very aware that we have adopted their custom and we always give them credit at our table.  And in a weird twist of fate, their son lived in Houston for a year for his residency so we got to see the father again.  Small world...

Calling all Supermoms - time to take a break

Tonight I met up with a dear friend of mine (more on that in another post) and we chatted about our relatively new roles as moms.  After discussing a few situations - that now seem so ordinary because we don't stop and think, we just do - she said to me, "Wow, so you really are Supermom."

(truly - I'm not - I have Shabbat dinner chicken in the oven right now and I still have to report to work tomorrow, as an example)

Which got me thinking about all of the things moms do just because, and all of the things that happen behind the scenes ("the laundry doesn't fold itself" is a common refrain in my household)...and then this post caught my eye.  There are so many things that demand our attention RIGHTNOW...but just as important is that we don't lose ourselves in this whole mothering role and that we pay attention to our own needs.

So how timely to find a post that speaks to easy ways to pamper ourselves!!  I'm happy to try any of these starting tomorrow!

How do you like to pamper yourself on the cheap?  Leave a note in the comments box!

My secret confession

Ok it's time to come clean.  I've been Zumba-ing on the sly here.  Let me tell you, it's like a whole other person is out there doing this Zumba thing.  You wouldn't recognize me (and this time around, I'm not wearing hot pink pants).

You probably wouldn't recognize me as I helplessly flail my arms around, trying to follow the instructor.  You probably won't recognize me as I try to keep the rhythm with my feet, discovering that it's so easy to trip over my own foot, and look at that, apparently my left leg refuses to lift as frequently as the instructor's leg lifts.  Thank goodness no one recognizes me in the class, actually.

I am a professional working mom by day, Zumba impersonator by night (on Tuesdays and Thursdays).

The really neat thing about Zumba is that you can make it as challenging as you want it to be.  You can move fast or slow, and actually all of the movements are fairly optional, leaving you to work out at a comfortable pace, or you can challenge yourself with increased difficulty.  It's an egalitarian workout that doesn't punish you at the end, but makes you smile as you realize that everyone is having fun and no one cares how anyone else looks.

No doubt, the next time I attend a wedding, there will be some Zumba moves to be had...

(just kidding)

Get ready to laugh

I just stumbled onto this site and I can tell that I'm going to spend more time on it soon than I really should.  It's hilarious, people (and there's a shout out to Emery/Weiner in this post).  Even though it's geared for the younger crowd (am I really that old?), it's still quite funny.

Listen, if we can't laugh at ourselves, then what can we laugh at?

The 10th of Shevat - Remembering the Rebbe

Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the leader of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, assumed leadership a year on this date after his father-in-law, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson, the previous leader of the movement, passed away on this date.

I just received an email about this occasion, which Chabadniks celebrate worldwide, and I want to share its message with you.

All Jews in our generation, and in recent memory, have been affected by the Rebbe, even if you don't realize it.  The entire concept of Jewish outreach was developed by this individual.  Think about it:  you could go on quietly living your life, going to synagogue, doing your rituals, keeping kosher, doing everything routinely - OR - you can do something to INCREASE the growth of Judaism.

Think about it:  Judaism is an incredibly rich culture and heritage that, even if you just skim the surface, has something for everyone.  The simple beauty of the Rebbe did was to find that spark within each person and connect it to Judaism.  Interested in healthy living?  Judaism has something to say about that.  Interested in moral justice?  Judaism has something to say about that.  Interested in growing your business?  Judaism has something to say about that.

The Rebbe realized that Judaism will not grow if people keep Judaism to themselves, living their quiet lives.  Judaism will ONLY grow if we DIRECTLY engage with it, debate and discuss it, and ultimately, learn from it and apply it to our lives.

That's why the Chabad style of outreach has been so successful:  they follow the mantra I learned in my MBA program - what's in it for me?  Once this question is answered, walls are broken down.

This was a huge upheaval 60 years ago, when the Rebbe assumed leadership.

So, now fast-forward 60 years - we have young adult programs, eco-Judaism programs, Tot Shabbat programs, Jewish cooking and crafting programs, business ethics learning, medical ethics learning, daily learning, weekly learning, on-the-phone learning, webcasts, podcasts, and on and on and on, and not just coming from the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, but many many outreach organizations, Federations, and community-based organizations throughout the world breathing new life into Judaism, making the ancient relevent again.

And all thanks to a simple idea driven by one man, who never tired of the challenge.

Click here to watch a most inspirational video about the Rebbe's drive.

"...[w]e must never be satisfied with what [w]e achieved yesterday..." - Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson

A true Thanksgiving tale

(insert heart-warming story just in time for Thanksgiving)

A friend of mine had been looking for work for a long, long time. She was an extremely experienced executive secretary who needed a career change, but ultimately what she wanted to do was to pursue her true passion – performing. She had performed before and continued to perform but not regularly, and while she dreamed big, she needed a regular job and a stable income. So she decided that she had enough of her stable job and she quit to try making it on her passion.

How many of us leave what we know in order to pursue our dreams and move into the unknown? She had GUMPTION.

And she did it – she taught and sang, but it wasn’t enough, and she realized that she needed that stable income as a foundation. Unfortunately, the economy tanked and as we all know, it just wasn’t the best time to look for a job.

But she persevered – she looked and looked.

How many of us DON’T let challenges knock us down?

Another friend of mine got a contract position within my organization, and that gave me an idea – why don’t my friend (the subject of our story) apply and maybe she too can get a contract position?

I made a couple of calls and eventually my friend was interviewed, oriented, and placed in a temporary position.

Last week she called me and said they offered her a permanent position.

I can’t remember the last time I was so thrilled (pregnancies aside). In this economy, knowing how many people are out there looking for work – my friend got a job, close to home, in a new industry where she can learn, that compensates better than her old job – wow. Just wow.

What does this teach us? Patience, faith, networking – belief that Hashem has it all mapped out for us, even if we have to wait a bit.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A post about me

I remember a scene from Runaway Bride where the bride can't decide what kind of fried eggs she likes, and whether she likes a particular kind of eggs because her fiance prefers those eggs, or whether she actually really likes that particular kind.  She couldn't decide because she herself didn't know and never thought about what she, as an individual, really likes and enjoys.

That scene really resonated with me, and recently I started to think about what do I actually like, versus what others like and I just go along with, or what others tell me I should like.  Turns out I actually have some definite likes.

In honor of my upcoming birthday, here's a post about me.

I really like:
raspberries - my favorite berry, followed closely by strawberries
cooking from scratch - I find it intensely therapeutic
wonderful bed sheets - I found a great set of sheets, and who knew, I love bed sheets
a 20-minute chair massage, and I'm good to go
foamy coffee drinks like lattes and mochas
Italy - everything about it, I just love it all
breakfast and all of the food associated with it
cold cereal - I'm addicted
bread - soft, chewy bread and even better if I baked it myself
sitting and chatting with my best friends over a meal - just like in my college days
high heels
road trips
reading a really good book that I literally can't put down - that's a rarity for me these days
playing the piano - maybe it's because I rarely do this now, but I get a feeling of satisfaction when I play
warmth - I can't stand being cold
cheese - except blue cheese and Swiss cheese
watermelon - I lived on this during my first pregnancy
the industry I work in - I am 100% passionate about it
organization - maybe I'm not 100% organized, but I strive for it
magazines - especially home-related (like Real Simple) and cooking magazines
cashmere
diamonds
Paris
surprises
Sergei Rachmaninoff
kitchen gadgets
non-electronic/non-plastic toys

Well, that's all I can think of for now.  This list excludes the obvious like my children, my family, my husband, and Israel.

Because isn't living really all about knowing who you are?  I'm getting there...

Having a bad day?

Having a bad today? Here's what I do:


1. Wear a bright color. You can't feel down if you're wearing something lime, fuschia, or turqoise. It instantly lifts your spirits.

2. Wear some luminescent eye shadow. You know, to make yourself look awake and happier than you really are.

3. Read something funny or listen to a joke. Make yourself laugh.

4. Pack some chocolate in your lunch.

5. Treat yourself and buy a fancy cup of coffee or yummy espesso drink. Sip it slowly and enjoy the frothiness of the milk.

6. End work emails with Have a great day!

7. At the end of your rope and can't get away from the kids? Go to the bookstore or the fancy grocery store or pet store and let the location do the entertaining for you. And feed them ice cream for snack. Ice cream solves a lot of problems.

8. Your day is not nearly as bad as the doctor who was just named in a lawsuit. No, really: I just walked to my office and overheard a doctor's phone conversation. Presto - my day instantly looked better.
 
9.  Count down: it's always "T minus" the days until Shabbat!

What is a widget?

Anyone who has been to business school - either graduate or undergraduate - has heard this line many times before:
"Lets say you own a factory that produces, oh, I don't know, it produces widgets..."

Back in the day, widgets were the stuff of imaginations in the minds of countless business professors, a handy imaginary product, the production of which was most educational to students of business.  Widgets were endlessly marketed and endlessly analyzed, and I remember sitting in class thinking, "I absolutely must look up the etymology of the word because I cannot possibly fathom where it came from."

Going online to search for the word's etymology, the all-knowing Wikipedia offers this:
The widget is a placeholder for an object, or more specifically, a mechanical or other manufactured device.

Apparently, the word goes back to 1924 and may be a derivation of the word gadget.

A Princeton University website offers synonyms for widget:
doodad, gizmo, thingamabob, whatchamacallit are my top favorites.

Nowadays, the term is used to describe a "mini application" used online, like the LIKE button on Facebook.  All of those little doodads and thingamabobs that enhance your online experience are known as widgets.

It's interesting how the word went from referring to something unspecified, to something actually very specific and technical.

I guess business school professors now need to find some other word to describe an imaginary object, and business school students will probably spend much of their time utilizing little widgets.

The upper limit of productivity?

Earlier this week I had another one of those days - a day when I literally had nothing to do at work.  Which is ironic, given that I have several projects in different stages that I am working on simultaneously, but it just so happened that all of the projects converged at a single point where I could go no further with them.

No further, that is, unless someone else did something first.

See, I made a to-do list for myself and noted what the next action was for each project.  Amazingly, beside each task was someone else's name along with the specific task they had to do, without which I could not do my part.

And so - I reached the upper limit of productivity.  I was extremely productive in creating my list - I have that down to a science - but ultimately I was stopped because I was at the point where I was dependent on other people.

After all of the emails and phone calls I left with those other people, there was nothing left for me to do but wait for responses.  And so, this begs the question: is one's productivity relative to the productivity of others?  At what point does one call oneself "productive"?  How is the "productive" standard set?  Is productivity a state of mind?  What if a person considers himself productive, and then meets someone else whom he deems to be more productive than he - does that negate his previous productivity?

And with that, my friends, I leave you to discuss...

Funny story: Riding the elevator yesterday...

A couple and I were in the elevator yesterday and the wife noticed my work badge.  She said to me, "Since you work here, can you tell me where they do neurosurgery here?"  I just looked at her and slowly said, "I'm pretty sure they do it in the OR (operating room)..."  She looked at me and laughed to herself a bit and said, "That's good!  I hope they do surgery in the OR!" and I quickly corrected her and said, "You are wondering where the neurosurgery nursing units are!" and I proceeded to tell her.

The couple got off the elevator and thanked me and the wife added that her temporal lobe will be taken out.  (I don't even know if I heard her right - is that possible?)

As the elevator doors closed, I hastily said, "Good luck..."

It's moments like those when I don't know what to say...

Tonight begins the saddest day of the Jewish year

 Tonight is the start of Tisha B'Av, the Ninth Day of the month of Av, known as the saddest day of the year.

Quite simply, Tisha B'Av marks the many occasions the world has attempted to destory the Jewish people.

A few famous mentionables (from this article):

• During the time of Moses, Jews in the desert accepted the slanderous report of the 10 Spies, and the decree was issued forbidding them from entering the Land of Israel. (1312 BCE)
• The First Temple was destroyed by the Babylonians, led by Nebuchadnezzar. 100,000 Jews were slaughtered and millions more exiled. (586 BCE)
• The Second Temple was destroyed by the Romans, led by Titus. Some two million Jews died, and another one million were exiled. (70 CE)
• The Bar Kochba revolt was crushed by Roman Emperor Hadrian. The city of Betar -- the Jews' last stand against the Romans -- was captured and liquidated. Over 100,000 Jews were slaughtered. (135 CE)
• The Temple area and its surroundings were plowed under by the Roman general Turnus Rufus. Jerusalem was rebuilt as a pagan city -- renamed Aelia Capitolina -- and access was forbidden to Jews.

More modern events:

1.The Spanish Inquisition culminated with the expulsion of Jews from Spain on Tisha B'Av in 1492.

2.World War One broke out on the eve of Tisha B'Av in 1914 when Germany declared war on Russia. German resentment from the war set the stage for the Holocaust.
3.On the eve of Tisha B'Av 1942, the mass deportation began of Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto, en route to Treblinka.

So we commemorate by a national period of mourning.  We mourn for all of the suffering endured, and we mourn for the suffering that continues.  We mourn for the Temple that was destroyed, and for the dis-unity among our people that led to that destruction, and continues to prevent its rebuilding.  We mourn the lack of Divine Presence in this world.

At the same time, Tisha B'Av is like a call to arms.  How can we make a turn for the better?  It all starts with the individual.  The individual learns to love his/her neighbor unconditionally, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to help in times of need, to commit deeds of living-kindness.  And then you have a whole family acting in this way.  And then a whole community.  And a whole loving-kindness culture is formed.  And that is how we can change the world.

Is it do-able?  Absolutely.  Is it difficult?  Yes it is.  It is so easy to do what is instinctual, so easy to say what you think.  But to say a kind word (when you don't feel like it), or to lend a hand (when you are running late yourself), or to withhold saying something inappropriate (even though you're right)....that is what will change the course of the world.

All it takes is one individual.  And one, and one, and one, and one...So mourn today.  And tomorrow is a brand new day.

Floor 1, Humans 0

Sad news for moms everywhere as children continue to fling food onto the floor with glee.

The five-second rule is no longer valid.

Watch where you light that cigarette

I could have titled this post so many different ways, it was hard picking just one title.

Perhaps the guy missed the day this was covered in science class.

Perhaps the guy didn't watch the bomb episode on Gray's Anatomy in the first season.

Perhaps the guy didn't see the warning signs plastered all over the hospital.

Perhaps the guy just really really wanted a cigarette to make him feel better about being in the hospital to begin with.

A patient in a hospital just outside of town, hooked up to oxygen, tried to smoke a cigarette in his hospital room with the oxygen mask on.

That act sparked a fire, which the nursing staff put out, and he was later transferred to another hospital with a burn unit.  Fortunately, no one else was injured and damage to the hospital room was not extensive.

However, what we do know is that the patient just injured himself even more, could have made the room blow up because of the oxygen, and just caused damage to the hospital room.  Awesome.  I wonder who will pay all of those costs.

What we don't know is whether the guy now remembers the science lesson that fire + oxygen = very bad news.  Particularly when it's in your face.

A Facebook friendship: An update

I want to clarify my previous post, particularly to my out-of-town friends.

I greatly enjoy our phone conversations.  When someone calls me and I hear a voice from long-ago, I get a huge smile on my face and it brightens my day and breaks up my monotony.  I enjoy talking on the phone and reconnecting that way.

The reason why I prefer email is because I can fully concentrate 100% on what I am writing in an email, and as much as I try to concentrate 100% on what is being said on the phone, usually I am at less than 100%.  And I like to give my friends the 100% attention you all deserve.

So I don't hate the phone.  I enjoy it.  But I feel bad short-shrifting you, knowing that I am not fully listening as well as I should be.  That is a failing of mine.  And please know that an email from me, even a short one, is 100% dedicated to you.  So I want to be clear that I do not want to cut off phone calls.  I just wanted to clarify my position about how I feel that technology can enable friendships, or let them dither away.

And please call and put a smile on my face.

A Facebook friendship?

Last week I reconnected with a dear old friend of mine (and by old, I mean going back to fifth grade) who is moving back to town. She is one of those friends who, if we only speak once a year, we pick up right where we left off. Which happened to be rather convenient because we were both lamenting the fact that we really did not communicate while she lived out-of-town, but now that's she back we can (and will!) be more in touch with our lives.

I said to her, well, it's not like I didn't really know what was going on in your life because I kept track of status updates on Facebook, not to mention the pictures posted there, so I even had a peek into your world.

To which she responded, yes, she even "stalked" me on Facebook and kept up with me that way, but come on, that is no way to have a relationship! Facebook is not a substitute for a real friendship! She added that she has some friends who have a text-based relationship, and she stood her ground and said, "I will not have a thumbs-only friendship!"

Which got me thinking. I love spending time with my friends immensely, but the dark side to it is that I really, really, do not want to spend any time on the phone with them. I'd much rather pick a date and go out with them. I'd much rather exchange emails. But sit and talk on the phone? Please, no. And it's not because I am not interested in what they have to say; I actually am interested (otherwise we wouldn't be friends, right?). It's just there is so much else I could be doing with my time while I am on the phone so I am reluctant to give up that precious time. So, in this case, Facebook actually fills a void for me. It helps me stay up-to-date with people without actually having to communicate with them. No effort involved.

Maybe it should be a ghost friendship?

At the same time, there is definitely something lost. Viewing someone's photos is not the same as hearing all about it, or hearing the stories that accompany the photos; it's not the same as feeling like a part of someone's life, of knowing their day-to-day frustrations, of being able to help them when they need it (which I think is a vital part of friendship). It really is just watching someone's life go by, like watching traffic go by. And every now and then I comment on someone's photo, but really, that is not like having a conversation. It's more like a token, notifying the friend that "hey! I cared enough to look at your photos! I haven't forgotten about you even though we haven't spoken in forever! Nice photo..."

So my conclusion is mixed. Facebook fills a need, but in no way does it replace a real friendship. That work still remains up to me.